Tuesday, June 3, 2014

If Animals Could Talk, What Would They Say? What Would I Ask Them?

I think if animals could talk, most people would just say "my dog" or "my cat". I would also like to talk to my dog, Duncan. He barks so much. I just want to know what the heck he is really barking at and what possesses him to do so. I would tell him that I can't give him a treat every time he comes in from using the bathroom outside because he would get fat and sick, and we love him and want him healthy. If Duncan talked as well, he would probably say, I want a treat, I want a treat. Then after not getting his treat, he would go in the front room, chase his tail, and bark at it until he gets tired and plops down where he is.

So, I got that one out of the way. I would tell a cat to go lick/bathe himself in heck. Cats are evil. That is why old ladies with tons of cats are crazy. They are possessed by demons that are summoned from the cats.

However, that only includes house cats. I think it would be awesome to have a conversation with a tiger at the zoo and ask him why he just lays down all day instead of entertaining the crowds. I am sure that the tigers would probably say that we are related to house cats, and that is why we are so lazy and don't care about people wanting to see them or not.

I think I would get tired of trying to wait for a sloth to tell me anything. I would ask a sloth if he is offended about the way he is portrayed in the Ice Age movies.

Speaking of movies, There is Doctor Doolittle, both the classic, and two with Eddie Murphy, which weren't horrible, but still not great. I loved the weasel in the second one.

I would ask a bear if humans pretending to play dead would really fool a bear to leave them alone. I would also ask if bears like honey, or if Winnie the Pooh is a poor spokesman for all bears everywhere? I would ask Little John, the bear in the Disney film Robin Hood why he and Balloo from the Jungle Book have the same voice. I know they are just cartoons, but still, they have the same voice, and I would like some answers.

I would ask spiders why they have to bite people and ask them why are they so ugly. Besides spiders being ugly, mother spiders really are caring and nurturing to their baby spiders.

I would ask elephants about their life in Africa and how it is different here in America in a zoo. I would also ask them if they were super upset about the movie "The Protector" where elephants are sacred and bad guys come and use kung fu and they throw a baby elephant a few feet away. I mentioned this in my last post, but it is too freaking funny to not post again. Best Elephant Throw Ever!

I would ask the hare why he was so cocky when it came to his race with the tortoise. He would probably smart off though.

If I had to pick only one animal that I could talk to though, I would probably pick a Chimpanzee. They are cute, and they understand humans pretty well, well, as much as a monkey can understand our human ways.

I really do wish that I could talk to animals and have them talk back. The world would be a better place just for understanding each other. Come to think of it, we need to do the same thing with other human beings. In a way, we are all animals. We have instincts, we need to eat food and drink water to survive. We just have the blessings of being a fully developed human being with knowledge to make life better. Not easier, but better. Wow, I am getting in too deep in thought for 12:34 A. M.  I better sign off.

I hope you are liking the blog posts, and I hope you will come back to read more.


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